Anger: Part One

How do you deal with anger? There isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to anger. It has many forms depending on the trigger, how it is being expressed and what is actually going on beneath the surface of the anger.

The anger iceberg is a metaphor which is used in psychology and counselling to show that anger is often just the visible part of a much deeper emotional experience, anger is the tip of the iceberg and below the surface may be other vulnerable emotions that mask the anger.

Visible Part: ANGER

• This is what we show or express

• It is easier to notice

• Can be a defence or a reaction

Below the surface: Underlying emotions

These can include:

• Hurt – from feeling rejected, betrayed or ignored

• Fear – of failure, abandonment, or loss

• Guilt or Shame – for something done or left undone

• Embarrassment - from feeling exposed or judged.

• Sadness - from disappointment or grief

• Insecurity – could be from doubts of self-worth or belonging

• Frustration – from unmet expectations or unpursued goals

• Overwhelm – from stress or feeling out of control in life

• Loneliness – from feeling disconnected or from neglect.

Why is it important to recognise the difference? Being able to recognise what is underneath your anger can help you communicate your needs honestly which can help you release your anger.